It’s been over 2 months. I thought I’ll do well, but then you came back along and fucked my whole life upside down.

I have an exam tomorrow, but I can’t focus, I can’t concentrate, cause all my mind has is you.

I need to severe all ties.

In order to move on.

Protected: why do i get so affected by the smallest things …

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reaffirm your love for me ~

This is inspired by a sms I received from Sockz dearest. (She smsed me that she missed me ~ aww I miss you too dearest!) And I’ll also give small credit to Delia‘s sms. (She smsed me goodnight last night, even though I was the one who chased her to sleep 1st.)

*my reflections starts*

I have insecurities. I don’t show them. I appear like I don’t really care, well sometimes I really don’t, but at times, I actually really do.

I love it when people sms me.
I love it when people call me just to chat and catch up.
I love it when people tell me they missed me.
I love it when people ask me out, or ask me if I want to hang out, or just meet up for a while.
I love it when people make the 1st move for the above.

I know, this shows a great deal of my insecurity. I need your love for me reaffirmed. When people take the initiative to ask me out, call me, or sms me, it makes me feel that I’m loved, I’m remembered, and I’ll know someone’s thinking of me. I need to know this.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t do these to others, I do do them, just that sometimes I like receiving them more.

Perhaps it just show my vulnerability. I’m just someone who need to have affirmation of your love for me. There is this wall I need to break down. Sometimes, I’m too afraid to show my emotions, and the way I feel. Deep down, this wall’s my vulnerability. My fear, my wall.

‘Cause, I don’t wanna go on living
Being so afraid of showing
Someone else my imperfections
And even though my feet are trembling
Every word I say comes stumbling
I will bare it all
Watch me unfold.
I will allow someone to love me
Marie Digby – Unfold

I’ll be fine soon. Don’t worry. ~

Fuck feeling …

I feel for you Shane. (Not to mention you are damn right hot!)

From The L Word, Season 1, Episode 13:

Shane: You know, my entire life, people said that … I’ll become a psychopath if I didn’t learn how to feel. And I want to know Cherie what the fuck is so great about feeling. Because I finally let myself … and I feel that my heart’s been completely ripped out.

Cherie: Sorry.

Shane: I had this insane idea that you and I could be together. Because it felt real.

Cherie: That was a delusion.

Shane: Then I was delusional. Because I swear you felt the same way about me.

Cherie: What if I did? What difference would it make? What if the time we spent together I felt more alive in my past 20 years of my life. What if that were true? Do you think that I would leave my husband, my child, my houses in Bel Air and East Hampton, my trips to Paris? My Black Ties Galas, to run to some wreck little love nest, with a 25 year old assistant hair dresser who barely has her foot in the door. In this fucking ugly world, that kind of love does not exist.

Sorting out my feelings now … and it is driving me insane. I was delusional before. I don’t want to be delusional again. I’m just going crazy with these thoughts.

So tell me, what the fuck is so great about feeling?

I didn’t dare admit it …

But I fucking miss you like mad.

I’m fucking confused …

*updated 5/08*

Lee Jun Ki – One Word

Why do I feel like crying when I hear this song?
And I don’t even understand a single word of the song.
Maybe it is just Lee Jun Ki and his ability to bring emotions through his song.
And I don’t even know I feel sad for …

Escape

How I wish I could escape, just run away and hide from all these clutter.