Protected: Confused.

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It’s decided

I’m so going take 4 modules next semester!

Looking at my horrible grades, I need to concentrate more on my studies!!!!

bye bye OGL

Oh, and I think there are not recruiting for OGLs anymore. Cause apparently the OGLs have already called up their OG people. So that means they don’t need OGLs anymore. (

I shall have to wait for next sem then … RAWR!

Protected: why do i get so affected by the smallest things …

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Protected: stuck between holding on and letting go …

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I’m not happy …

1. I don’t like my job. It is boring and I have to work for super long hours making have NO LIFE.
2. My friends go out on weekdays, but I’m only free on weekends. So basically I am bored during work and bored when I don’t work.
3. I weren’t informed about today’s outing with 15. Not that I could go due to my work ending only at 9 plus, but not being informed about makes it worse.
4. I am stuck with 2 months of this boring job. I just can’t wait to get pay to make me feel better.
5. I cannot attend the outing on prom day cause I have to work till earliest 11pm. Though it’s the 1st, and I think I may need to work till 1pm.
6. Huiyi and I got stood up by some suckers.
7. I cannot dye my hair red due to a job I don’t even like in the 1st place.
8. I eat lunch at 11.30am and dinner at 9 plus everyday.
9. I want to go out but I cannot due to work.
10. I’m tired.

I am upset today.

Low self esteem…

I have a problem with myself. I have a big problem with myself …

I no longer have much confidence in dealing with my friends. I fear … I am really scared. Maybe … too many lost friendships. Maybe … I don’t know.

I never had this problem you know. Neither do I have it with my looks (even though i’m plus size). But with friends, or dealing with people, I just don’t have the confidence. I used to … not anymore.

I fear with every word I say, every expression I have, every thing I do. Will they make people dislike me? Will they be irritated? Will they …

I just don’t have any confidence anymore …

It must be just one of those days …

Or is it?

:( :( :( :( :(

5 cause I am really sad.

I’m up at 7 plus in the morning unable to sleep and hence I finally decided to come online and do something senseless like blogging.

My coughing kept me awake all night. WHY AM I STILL SICK? RAHH! I think once I am fine I would have a very strong lungs from coughing too much.

I’m stuck at home, unable to study. I mean I even have trouble watching tv. I was watching LOTR last night coughing and coughing and sneezing most of the time. I felt so bad I had to lie down and every time I cough, tears would fill my eye (cause I coughed too hard) and I barely even watched anything. Because I watched it before, so I only needed to catch a glimsp here and there to know what is going on. Imagine me studying like that? Nothing will go in.

I feel horrible!

Falling sick = TORTURE!

****! I’m sick!

Must have been that BBQ that I went and did not eat any BBQ food. Haha, cause I ate before and after. Chips, chocolate, donuts.

Now I’m down with a sore thoart, headaches, body aches and I suspect that I will come down with a fever soon. Plus I’ve got the red eye! It’s mild, but hopefully it will heal before Friday! Or I will be suffering as I take my 1st paper.

I used to love eating (well explains for the way I look) but not eating is such a chore. My mum made bimbimbap which I like to eat, but I found it difficult to continue eating. But I finished it eventually.

I hate being sick! (even Clemmies is sick! Get well soon darling!)

d-e-p-r-e-s-s-e-d

Depressing post that is not worth reading …

Let the tears fall …

Really, don’t bother commenting about how emo or whatever I am. I’m just like that on my blog. I just need a space to let it all out. I’ll be better once I type it all out and have a good cry. I’ll be the same old bubbly me when you see me.

Perhaps, keeping everything inside is really hard. I never know I was so hurt inside until I finally let it all out. Perhaps, acting that I don’t care makes me care more. Perhaps, trying to act like I’m all strong just makes me weaker. Perhaps … I just can’t take it anymore. Cause I broke down … (and it doesn’t help it when sad songs are playing at the exact moment)

You know, I told myself, it would be the last time I’ll check your blog. And if I can’t get access, I won’t ever visit your blog anymore. Seems like God is helping us save our friendship. Though I know things will never be the same again. And that really hurts. Cause I’m sick of acting that I don’t care anymore. I have friends drift away from me before, but this is the only time I feel so bad.